apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
