I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
