you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
