Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
