I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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