Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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