Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
