guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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