Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize