you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
