We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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