I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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