what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
