I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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