awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
