if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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