we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
