and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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