its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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