How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
