tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
