Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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