i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
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