I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
