So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
