bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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