I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize