It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
