I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
