The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
