I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
