Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
