you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
