Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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