My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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