dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
please come you make the beer taste better
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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