Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
