Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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