fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
