Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
