i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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