I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
