Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
