my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
