i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
