i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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