U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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