Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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