Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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