Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
