East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
