Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
