So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
