forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
