I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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