its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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