Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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