WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
this will be a night to untag.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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