batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
