I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We have started to decorate penises.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
