I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I have already put on my inside pants.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
