The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
