I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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